When your desire for sex doesn't match
The chemistry of lust brings you together, it supports you through the first few months and years.
It keeps you feeling attached and longing to maintain that connection.
As the chemistry of lust starts to fade, you may find yourself searching for new ways to nourish and sustain that heightened sense of attraction, desire and connection.
When the occasional "not tonight" goes from being no big deal to becoming a major one.
Desire discrepancy occurs when one partner remains enthusiastic about being sexually intimate while their partners libido and desire for sex starts to wane.
One of the consequences of experiencing a decline in desire is that you don’t feel like having sex as often as you used to. Unfortunately, this is when the dance of initiating, feeling rejected and saying no starts to surface.
If couples don’t learn how to communicate properly about this, if they don’t learn to understand each other, then this can create a whole lot of other problems that many couples struggle to resolve on their own.
That’s why couples with mismatched libidos often fight about their differing expectations, with little to no long-term resolution.
People expect spontaneous, arousing, orgasmic sex that occurs,easily and frequently. It’s considered a problem when that doesn’t happen.
Most sex therapists would agree that mismatched libido’s or couples with a desire discrepancy (same thing) is one of the most common problems needing to be addressed in practice.
If the frequency of sex is causing you to feel less connected, if you find that you or your partner have started to avoid moments of intimacy because it might lead to something else then you know that this is affecting your entire relationship.
I know that the person with the lower libido worries that I’m going to suggest they do things that they don’t want to but I can assure you that’s not how this works and that’s not what this is about.
For this to be a positive experience you guys need understand each other better for example, I can help your partner understand what you’ve been trying to say for all of these months or years. We will also explore ways of helping you feel more connected, seen, supported, understood and much more.
If this is one of those things that you keep arguing about and you’re not managing to resolve this on your own then coming in for a chat can really help.